ladies and gentlemen tom evening to you
thank you for coming out and joining
this evening over to iceland
our flight time is going to be two hours
in command of our aircraft tonight is
captain justin
he's assisted this evening by first
officer michael
your cabin staff george is in the back
of the aircraft
chris admit cabin and robert upfront
we're going to ask you at this time to
direct your attention to the flight
attendants we're going to point out the
safety features of the 737 700 series
aircraft
now ladies and gentlemen in the event
that you have not been in an automobile
since 1942
we're going to show you how to fasten
this seat belt watch closely
do you this it you do that
that seat belt needs to be low and tight
across your hips just like the hot pink
speedo i'm wearing tonight when we get
to the hotel on dub
folks you don't like the jokes of
service tonight six ways out of this
airplane feel free to use them there's
gonna be two forward exit doors two over
wing window exits and two rear exit
doors
there's signs on the ceiling there's
disco lights on the floor they're gonna
lead you to these exits
now the seat back pocket in front of you
it's a safety information card you'll
want to read it before you need it
it outlines the safety features of this
particular aircraft
now in the unlikely event that our
captain decides to turn the love airline
southwest airlines into a cruise this
evening
we'll instruct you how to remove the
life vest from beneath the sea
ladies and gentlemen it's a life vest
it's not a toilet seat cover
it goes over your head you bring the
black strap around your tiny little
waist you snap the two ends together
and pull to tighten to inflate the life
vest after you exit the aircraft you
pull down on the red tab
those of you that have to do absolutely
everything the most difficult way and
those over achievers
will you blow into that red being
located at the shoulder
the very best of luck to you with that
but then keep kicking and paddling over
to the cabin shore
will be behind you shortly you're going
to be able to recognize the cabin staff
where the ones can tote in that liquor
kit so folks the gentleman are passing
through the cabinet this time because
simply and frankly we
do not trust you we have trust issues
we're ensuring that your handbag is
beneath the seat
feedback service tray full upright lock
position your handbag all the way
underneath the seat and that your
cellular phone is being used
not for texting or for video at this
time
ladies and gentlemen thank you again for
traveling with us there this is
non-smoking flight
if you have to have a cigarette this
evening before we land we have two
entertainment lounges for you
one's out there on that left wing the
other one directly across the hallway on
the right wing
you think you're talented enough to
light it you can certainly try and smoke
it
but the rest of us we're going to enjoy
two feature films this evening
gone with the wind and bye bye birdie
very simple
very easy don't be naughty in the
potties and leave the webcam alone in
there
you end up on youtube next week folks
twenty two hundred dollars for tampering
with the smoke detector in these
lavatories and you know if you had
twenty two hundred dollars should be on
american airlines
back over there to iceland this evening
to first class
now the gentleman and i we certainly
wouldn't have shown up for work tonight
if we'd anticipated a decompression
but in the event of a decompression for
saffron yellow
buttercup mask designed by gucci and
martha stewart
where they're going to draw some for
that compartment overhead and to start
the flow of the alcohol
you have to first stop screaming you
have to let go of the person next to you
reach up and grab that mask full
extended
plastic tubing you place it over your
big nose and mouth and you continue
wearing that mask and breathing normally
until otherwise notified by one of your
three fabulously dressed flight of
dentists
now ladies if i can have your attention
again ladies for those of you traveling
with someone that's going to need your
assistance
and ladies you know whom i'm exactly
talking about
yes ma'am him that very dear husband of
yours
darling when the mask fall you may want
to take my advice sit back
relax think about it for a bit
some more diamonds diamonds for those of
you traveling with your children
why and for those of you back there
traveling with two of your children what
in the world were you thinking tonight
when those fast fall put the mask on the
bright one that one's going to
contribute to your retirement
success folks we thank you so much for
sharing your night with us do us a favor
sit back relax and enjoy our in-flight
hospitality
or you can sit up and think tips that
choice is yours the pleasure to serve
you tonight
it is most definitely ours now we've got
one final message for you before we
depart
we love you you love us
we're much faster than the bus we hope
you enjoy our hospitality
marry one of us and you would fly free
two need to hours
one of us is a little higher than the
other two