ladies and gentlemen tom evening to you

thank you for coming out and joining

this evening over to iceland

our flight time is going to be two hours

in command of our aircraft tonight is

captain justin

he's assisted this evening by first

officer michael

your cabin staff george is in the back

of the aircraft

chris admit cabin and robert upfront

we're going to ask you at this time to

direct your attention to the flight

attendants we're going to point out the

safety features of the 737 700 series

aircraft

now ladies and gentlemen in the event

that you have not been in an automobile

since 1942

we're going to show you how to fasten

this seat belt watch closely

do you this it you do that

that seat belt needs to be low and tight

across your hips just like the hot pink

speedo i'm wearing tonight when we get

to the hotel on dub

folks you don't like the jokes of

service tonight six ways out of this

airplane feel free to use them there's

gonna be two forward exit doors two over

wing window exits and two rear exit

doors

there's signs on the ceiling there's

disco lights on the floor they're gonna

lead you to these exits

now the seat back pocket in front of you

it's a safety information card you'll

want to read it before you need it

it outlines the safety features of this

particular aircraft

now in the unlikely event that our

captain decides to turn the love airline

southwest airlines into a cruise this

evening

we'll instruct you how to remove the

life vest from beneath the sea

ladies and gentlemen it's a life vest

it's not a toilet seat cover

it goes over your head you bring the

black strap around your tiny little

waist you snap the two ends together

and pull to tighten to inflate the life

vest after you exit the aircraft you

pull down on the red tab

those of you that have to do absolutely

everything the most difficult way and

those over achievers

will you blow into that red being

located at the shoulder

the very best of luck to you with that

but then keep kicking and paddling over

to the cabin shore

will be behind you shortly you're going

to be able to recognize the cabin staff

where the ones can tote in that liquor

kit so folks the gentleman are passing

through the cabinet this time because

simply and frankly we

do not trust you we have trust issues

we're ensuring that your handbag is

beneath the seat

feedback service tray full upright lock

position your handbag all the way

underneath the seat and that your

cellular phone is being used

not for texting or for video at this

time

ladies and gentlemen thank you again for

traveling with us there this is

non-smoking flight

if you have to have a cigarette this

evening before we land we have two

entertainment lounges for you

one's out there on that left wing the

other one directly across the hallway on

the right wing

you think you're talented enough to

light it you can certainly try and smoke

it

but the rest of us we're going to enjoy

two feature films this evening

gone with the wind and bye bye birdie

very simple

very easy don't be naughty in the

potties and leave the webcam alone in

there

you end up on youtube next week folks

twenty two hundred dollars for tampering

with the smoke detector in these

lavatories and you know if you had

twenty two hundred dollars should be on

american airlines

back over there to iceland this evening

to first class

now the gentleman and i we certainly

wouldn't have shown up for work tonight

if we'd anticipated a decompression

but in the event of a decompression for

saffron yellow

buttercup mask designed by gucci and

martha stewart

where they're going to draw some for

that compartment overhead and to start

the flow of the alcohol

you have to first stop screaming you

have to let go of the person next to you

reach up and grab that mask full

extended

plastic tubing you place it over your

big nose and mouth and you continue

wearing that mask and breathing normally

until otherwise notified by one of your

three fabulously dressed flight of

dentists

now ladies if i can have your attention

again ladies for those of you traveling

with someone that's going to need your

assistance

and ladies you know whom i'm exactly

talking about

yes ma'am him that very dear husband of

yours

darling when the mask fall you may want

to take my advice sit back

relax think about it for a bit

some more diamonds diamonds for those of

you traveling with your children

why and for those of you back there

traveling with two of your children what

in the world were you thinking tonight

when those fast fall put the mask on the

bright one that one's going to

contribute to your retirement

success folks we thank you so much for

sharing your night with us do us a favor

sit back relax and enjoy our in-flight

hospitality

or you can sit up and think tips that

choice is yours the pleasure to serve

you tonight

it is most definitely ours now we've got

one final message for you before we

depart

we love you you love us

we're much faster than the bus we hope

you enjoy our hospitality

marry one of us and you would fly free

two need to hours

one of us is a little higher than the

other two