- Hello. In this short video, I want to talk to you about how to revise your working thesis into something that is a little bit clearer and a little bit more sophisticated. Before we do that, let's just review what a thesis statement in an argumentative essay should do. 

First, of course, it should take a clear position on an issue and should state your opinion. Next, it should offer two to three logical points of support. What that means is it's going to point to the two or three major pieces of reasoning you're going to provide in your essay. 

Now, that doesn't mean that you'll have one reason per paragraph, like you may have done during your high school experience, but these are broader categories, that there will be many subparagraphs beneath. 

Next and finally, you're going to acknowledge the counterargument or acknowledge those who might disagree with you in your thesis statement. While this is not necessary, it does make for a more sophisticated or stronger thesis statement. 

So I'm going to show you how to combine all three of these things to write very clear thesis statements. So in this example, we're taking a look at the topic of prison reform. And if we think about prison reform, the position or the opinion that we're going to take on this issue is that the environment of prison is just too harsh. It's too cruel, it's too uncomfortable. 

Some of the logical positions or the logical points that we are going to include in our essay are we're going to talk about the poor environment, abuse that sometimes happens by guards, and the fact that it's difficult to reintegrate into society once a person leaves prison. That is, it's hard to find a job and to avoid recidivism. 

The counter position or those who disagree with us might say that, well, prisons are supposed to be harsh because society has to punish people who commit crimes. And to revise all three of these into a thesis statement, we're going to start off with a complex sentence that reads, although society must punish individuals who commit crimes, prison is ineffective and overly harsh. In fact, poor environment and abuse by guards makes it difficult for the formerly incarcerated to reintegrate with communities once they are released. 

What we've done here is we began with a complex sentence, and a complex sentence acknowledged the counter position. You might begin with a subordinating conjunction, such as although or even though or despite. 

From here, once we've introduced the counter position, we now introduce our own opinion or our own position. Prison is harsh or ineffective. And then in the latter half of the sentence, which is the compound part of the sentence, we've included the two, three logical points of pieces of support for environment, the abuse by guards. And then the effect of that is that it's difficult for people to reintegrate into society. 

Let's take a look at one more example. In the next example, we're going to consider the topic of marijuana. Our position or opinion is that marijuana should be legalized in all 50 states. 

The logical support that we're going to use to develop that idea throughout our essay is we're going to talk about the health benefits, the fact that there is relatively low risks involved with marijuana usage, and the fact that if we legalize marijuana, we can expect tax revenue, money to fund things like school and health care, et cetera. 

People who disagree with us might say that, well, marijuana is a drug and therefore, it should be regulated. So we want to consider that as we write our thesis statement. So here's our revised thesis statement. Even though marijuana is a drug, it should be legalized in all 50 states because the substance has many health benefits, relatively low risks, and can generate tax revenue to support our communities. 

Just as in the first example, we begin with a complex sentence. This is our subordinating conjunction, even though. The dependent clause of our complex sentence acknowledges the counterclaim, or those who are going to disagree with us. It's followed up by our own position, what should happen. Marijuana should be legalized. And from there, we are given our two to three points of logical support, the health benefits, the relatively low risks, and the fact that they can generate tax revenue. 

Again, this is not the only way to write a thesis statement, but it is one way to organize a complex thesis statement that includes all three elements that are discussed in this video.