- When it comes to giving and receiving negative feedback, most of us would rather have a root canal. In fact, many of us are so uncomfortable with negative feedback that we'd rather not even call it "negative feedback." We'd prefer to describe it as "developmental feedback," "constructive feedback," "corrective feedback," et cetera. And we don't just bristle against what we call it. We chafe against the feedback itself. 

Nevertheless, any professional who is committed to getting better at his or her current job and to career advancement down the road knows that negative feedback, when delivered appropriately, is critical to growth and improvement. Far too often, we fail to digest negative feedback because we're more committed to protecting ourselves and our egos against it. We'd rather be right than have something to learn. 

We'd rather catastrophize rather than put it in perspective. We'd rather make it about someone or something else than make it about ourselves. We'd rather shut down than listen. We'd rather say to ourselves about the feedback provider, what do you know, than admit that he or she might be offering up a perspective worth considering. Do any of these behaviors sound like you when receiving negative feedback? 

1. Dread. I make up the worst possible story about the feedback I'm about to get. 2. Discount, I minimize the importance of the feedback. 3. Direct. I change the topic to something else or make the feedback about someone else. 

4. Denial. I don't consider what could be true, even in a small way, about this feedback. 5. Dissect. I argue about each element of the feedback rather than focusing on the whole message. 6. Depart. I walk out of the conversation. 

7. Distract. I talk about other accomplishments to minimize the impact of the feedback. 8. Defy. I reject the credibility or the authority of the person giving feedback. 9. Defend. I make excuses or reject the content of the feedback. 

10. Distort. I turn small pieces of feedback into big deals and experience them as an attack on my character. 11. Dramatize. I get highly emotional when receiving the feedback. 12. Disengage. I shut down emotionally and stop listening. 13. Dwell. I ruminate about the feedback. 

In order for negative feedback to have positive benefits for us, our colleagues and our companies, we need to stop stopping the feedback from having an impact and start inviting it to teach us what we need to learn to grow personally and professionally. Here are three ways to do this. 1. Recognize your default response and name it to yourself compassionately when it happens. If you're in the middle of getting some feedback and you start to think to yourself, that's it, I'm getting fired, say to yourself, oh, look, I'm dramatizing again. Yep, that sounds like me. Don't criticize yourself for your reaction because that will trigger a secondary default response. Just notice it and name it, and be gentle with yourself. 

2. Admit it and ask for a break. You might want to let the person who is giving you the feedback know what's going on for you. You could say something like, "I'm noticing that as you're talking, my mind is going to some dark places about this feedback. I really want to be able to listen to you and my thoughts are racing. Can we take a break and come back to this in an hour? I'll be better prepared to participate then." 

3. Choose a more helpful mindset and make it a mantra. If you tend to think, "I'm an idiot," replace it with, "I'm always learning." If you tend to believe, "This is the end for me," replace it with, "This is a fresh start for me." If your head goes to, "This guy is a jerk," replace it with, "There's something to learn from everyone, even him." 

Receiving negative feedback can be hard, and it's also hard to get better at anything without it.