- Many of us are open for feedback, but very few are able to accept criticism. 

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We all know that feedback is a valuable element to grow, to get better and stronger in life. It helps you to improve in your job and to do things better. And, still, feedback is very difficult to accept. Why? Because there are emotions involved. And often we go into the defensive. We feel resistance. Then we say things like, oh, but you know, I cannot help it because I did not get the real help that I needed, or I did not have the resources, or I did not have the time, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So we push the feedback away. 

So what can we do to accept feedback in a better way so that it can really help us? In fact, there are three things that make it difficult for us, three important factors that we should control. First thing is the timing. In many cases, when we get feedback from somebody, it is not exactly the right time because we are stressed, or we are busy with something, or we have a deadline. And then we are not open to that feedback. We push it away. We do not really listen. 

Second element is the person that gives us the feedback. That is also a very important factor. Because of one person, we can perfectly accept feedback that they give to us. But the same feedback from another person, oh, that we cannot accept. And then we go into the resistance because of the person that gives the feedback. 

Let me give you an example. Let's say that you have given a presentation. And after the presentation, your colleague Siska, who you really like and who is like a very friendly social colleague-- and you really get along with her very well. And she comes to you. And she says, look, I have some feedback about your presentation. You know, you can make it a lot better and stronger by taking out 15 minutes. It's a bit too long, so take out 15 minutes. And it will be a lot better. 

Now the same feedback from another colleague-- let's say Charlene. And you can not stand her because she is always gossiping and picking on you and et cetera, et cetera. And she comes to you and gives you the exact same feedback. You will go into the resistance and say, what does she think, and that is not true, et cetera, et cetera. So the person in question is also often a stumbling block. 

Third element that makes it difficult is your ego. Your ego is there to protect you. And it takes that task very seriously because your ego sees feedback as criticism, as an attack to your person. So what can you do to tackle those three elements, to deal with those three elements so you can accept feedback in a much better way? 

Well, there's a very simple technique, something that you can do. And that is to proactively ask for feedback yourself. Because when you do that, when you ask people for feedback, and you do that on a regular basis, you tackle those three elements. 

First of all, you control the timing because it's you who asks for the feedback. So you can do it in a moment that you feel comfortable. And you are not stressed. And you have the time to listen and to accept the feedback. So you control the timing. 

Secondly, you also control the person who gives you the feedback because you can pick someone that you can trust, someone who has valuable input. So you can choose the person from whom you get the feedback. 

And the third element that you control is your ego. Because when you proactively ask for feedback, your ego will be much calmer and will not go into the defensive into the resistance because you have it under control. 

Now, when you ask for feedback, two important tips. First of all, ask for questions. And ask for follow-up questions. Because when you first ask for feedback, people will give you a vague answer because they don't want to hurt you, or they don't want to upset you. And then they will say things like, oh, yeah, I think it was not bad, or yeah, it was really good, or yes, I liked it. But that is too vague. You cannot really do something with it. 

So what you will want to do is first ask questions. Ask follow-up questions so to dig deeper and to get really the valuable feedback. So ask questions like, so what do you exactly mean with it was good? Or what do you think was exactly good about it? Or what could be improved? Or how would you approach this? Or do you have any further tips, et cetera. So ask further questions. By doing that, people will open up more, and you will get more valuable detailed feedback. 

Second thing is after the feedback, thank the person that gave it to you. By thanking them, you acknowledge them, and you reinforce them to give further valuable feedback in the future. 

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